Thursday, March 31, 2005
Slippery Slopes
I was wary about having caffeine the day before yesterday…and for good reason as it turns out. Caffeine is innocuous enough in itself, of course. But I’m one of those people who basically has two speeds: OFF and HIGH. I can either abstain from all chemical crutches, or I can embark on a slippery slope. Caffeine leads to alcohol. And alcohol eventually leads to narcotics. Finally, I’m left once again at the bottom—popping pills to make it through the day while the years pass me by.
My fears were well-grounded, unfortunately, for I did end up drinking the other night. I had been nervous all day (hence the caffeine for a “pick me up”). Throughout work I was teetering on the brink of an anxiety attack as if I were staring down a cliff upon which I was precariously perched. After awhile, the bottom dropped out of my mood, and I was left falling through the ether world of sadness and fear. When I got home, I tried to distract myself with various projects around my apartment, but I couldn’t stay focused. Eventually, I ended up boozing it up on beer and then passing out. The only reason I didn’t smoke was because I didn’t have any cigarettes or any money to buy them.
Still it wasn’t the end of the world, as relapses go. I came into work on time (actually early) yesterday and worked a full and functional day. Last night, I did my routine at the gym, and I’m back at work today.
My fears were well-grounded, unfortunately, for I did end up drinking the other night. I had been nervous all day (hence the caffeine for a “pick me up”). Throughout work I was teetering on the brink of an anxiety attack as if I were staring down a cliff upon which I was precariously perched. After awhile, the bottom dropped out of my mood, and I was left falling through the ether world of sadness and fear. When I got home, I tried to distract myself with various projects around my apartment, but I couldn’t stay focused. Eventually, I ended up boozing it up on beer and then passing out. The only reason I didn’t smoke was because I didn’t have any cigarettes or any money to buy them.
Still it wasn’t the end of the world, as relapses go. I came into work on time (actually early) yesterday and worked a full and functional day. Last night, I did my routine at the gym, and I’m back at work today.
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More gym, more writing !!
Style note: Nice consonance with "precariously perched." Consider upgrading "cliff" to "precipice" -- or would that be painting the lily ?
^_^
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Style note: Nice consonance with "precariously perched." Consider upgrading "cliff" to "precipice" -- or would that be painting the lily ?
^_^
# posted by 
: 3:33 AM
: 3:33 AM << Home
