Friday, April 22, 2005


Hating Homosexuals: Uniting Churches Since Before I Was Born

The Very Rev. Dr. Peter C. Moore, an Anglican minister, gave an address at the annual convention for the Diocese of Pittsburgh on November 1, 2002. This talk was an effort to discredit the conclusions made by nine Anglican theologians who, at the request of the Bishop of New York, contend that homosexuality is not at odds with the scriptures in a paper entitled "Let the reader understand..." Dr. Moore's address "Homosexuality and the Great Commandment" can be found on the web site of the American Anglican Council web site, a conservative affiliation of Episcopal churches.

Personally, I have no problem with religion in general or Christianity in specific. In fact, I'm a practicing Catholic. Some people may find it odd that I would practice a faith that expressly disapproves of my sexuality, but I made my peace with God years ago. Plus, you would have to understand my view on religion. I have faith, and I believe in a loving, all-powerful God, who created life, the universe and everything and who has a personal interest in every creature, man or beast, which was created. Therefore, I feel that God is deserving of my love and my expression of that love through worship. Yet I don't presume to know the mind of God, and I don't have the arrogance to assume that the religion I just happen to be born into is the ONE AND ONLY TRUE FAITH. I sort of think that throughout our history, humanity has been given glimpses of the divine perfection. And then we fuck it all up with our inherent imperfection by codifying it and categorizing it and fighting each other over it. I practice Catholicism because it is what I know and what I am comfortable with. I like its long history and its ceremony. But I respect other people's religion and their right to experience the divine in their own way. In the book Prince Ombra by Roderick MacLeish, his protagonist Bentley Ellicott proclaims that any honest religion, seeking goodness and love, is worship of the true God. And that sums up my feelings. Ultimately, I would have to say that my mother is my working model for faith. Her religious beliefs are real and important and included in every aspect of her life, with her only proselytizing being done through example. She sees her religion as her ongoing and ever-growing relationship with God, not as something to be shoved down other people's throat or used as a vehicle of hate and division.

So back to Dr. Moore and his "Homosexuality and the Great Commandment." Essentially he blusters on with the same tired crap that I've been hearing my whole life, using the Bible and the pulpit as shield, from behind which he attacks out of fear of something different and something that he doesn't understand. Below is my open letter to him, which I e-mailed to
the AAC.

A Response to “Homosexuality & the Great Commandment”

I just read Dr. Peter C. Moore's farce entitled "Homosexuality and the Great Commandment." While this apology for discrimination errs in so many ways, I think the worst problem stems from the fact that Dr. Moore is guilty of the exact same crime that he accuses the authors of "Let the reader understand..." of making; that is, he is cutting and pasting the contents of the Bible to suit his own toxic, subjective point
of view.

As I said I could go on for ages describing the fallacies contained in this hate-speech-disguised-as-theology. (For example, the Bible says that the sin of Sodom was "neglect of the poor," NOT distaste over homosexual rape. Ezekiel 16:49. But then Dr. Moore is only interested in using the Bible as a tool for his purposes.) However, the most nauseating claims in the essay reveal Dr. Moore's pathetic naiveté and his utter lack of empathetic ability. How dare he tell me what my capacity for love is! A gay man or lesbian's love for his or her partner is as grand as ethereal and as divine as any love between a man and a woman. And homosexuals as a group are just as much in favor of and committed to monogamy as heterosexuals. I know how much arrogant heterosexuals like to say that they experience "real love" whereas homosexuals are simply playing at some adolescent infatuation. However, considering all the problems and perversions rampant in heterosexual relationships (Has Dr. Moore ever watched TV or seen a movie or read a book?), this is nothing more than a holier-than-thou fantasy.

Oh, and I thought it was just fabulous when Dr. Moore compares homosexuality to alcoholism! That's a bizarre fabrication I've never had the displeasure of hearing before. It is so easy and convenient for the complacent heterosexual to say that homosexuals should just "give it all up" and live desperate lives of loneliness, isolation and celibacy. What a happy solution! It's simple (and simple-minded) to tell other people to do something that you would never, ever consider doing yourself. (Couldn't Dr. Moore just try not being straight?) It's exactly the same kind of attitude the rich and powerful have towards the poor and disenfranchised. Answers are always "straight"-forward when you don't have to face the consequences of their implementation yourself.

I can't say whether the Church should sanction same-sex marriages. That is an issue it will have to resolve within itself. (I do know, however, that there have been religious blessings of homosexual relationships in the past. Look at Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe by John Boswell.) What I can say is that people who have no idea what they're talking about should keep their mouths shut! Dr. Moore can stay inside of his theological ivory tower and justify his homophobic rhetoric all he wants. But until he has attempted to investigate and witness the real love homosexuals can have for one another, then his arguments are nothing but a fool's rambling, like the braying of an ass.

"Consider the works of God: Who can make straight what He has made crooked?"
—Ecclesiastes 7:13

Monday, April 18, 2005


Man, I'm Old!

I attended the Saturday Vigil/Teen Life mass the other night, and I told this teenager sitting near me to take his hat off in church. He gave me a look, but he actually took it off for the duration. I should probably consider myself lucky that he didn't beat the crap out of me or stick me with a shiv. (This is Los Angeles, after all.) I wanted to tell him to pull his damn pants up and to dress better for mass, but I resisted. I could see myself haranguing him with "Listen, sonny, in my day we put on our finest duds when we went to church." *sigh*

Turning thirty-five has been pretty hard on me. I know I'm still young, but "being 'still young' is so much different than being 'young.'" (L.M. Montgomery, The Blue Castle) I might not mind it so much if I had accomplished any of the things I thought I'd have done by now. I regret all of those empty, wasted years, barely keeping my existence afloat and living on emotional subsistence. But I'm not sure that I would have (or could have) done anything different if I were to do it all over again. As such, all I can do is use the time and graces God has given me to construct the life that I feel I should be living.

Saturday, April 16, 2005



Sometimes I wonder if I've really gained anything by making all of these alleged improvements in my life. All I've got from working out is a back in spasm that's causing me great discomfort and keeps me from being able to sleep. Plus, it's cost me a small fortune in chiropratic treatments, accupuncture and (legit) massage when any reasonably intelligent person (or total idiot, for that matter) knows that a $10 prescription of Vicodin would give me the best relief. But I'm "not doing that." And yet the only thing that seems to have changed by being nauseatingly clean and sober is that I have a lot less fun than I used to. My apartment is still a mess, my job is still a mess and my life is still a mess. Everyone I know seems to be in a serious relationship or moving in with someone or dating someone or having babies or at least having someone to fuck on a regular basis. But I'm still here caressing shadows and clinging on to nothingness like a raison d'être. I don't even have a demon lover or a lifelike fantasy to waste my hours away. All I have is the ghost of a child's dream of what love may have could have been.

Friday, April 08, 2005


Disenchanted Fridays

I used to just adore Fridays. Now I tend to dread them. They used to mean a world of possibilities and fun opening up to me. Friends would call me, and we'd make plans of things to do together. But now they just feel like impending death. Though I'm relieved to be finished with another week of work, I realize that I'm heading into a desolate wasteland of useless time. No one is going to call me, and there's going to be nothing to do except sit at home with my cats. Most of my major relapses have occurred on a Friday. I'd use the drugs and alcohol to fill up the emptiness and to make myself
feel alive.

You can't change your life overnight, so I'm simply trying to have a little faith. Fridays are now one of my "gym nights," and that's something at least. Everything I'm doing, all of the improvements I'm trying to make are aimed at making myself a whole person. One that, perhaps, will once again look forward to weekends with anticipation.


Hiking with Homosexuals

I’ve been doing well as far as the "no chemicals" thing is going. I've been exercising at the gym, drinking nothing but water & protein shakes and eating healthy until I just wanna throw up over my own self-righteousness. I tell you what, though, I was white-knucklin' it the other night. I felt so low and lonely that I was dying to get fucked up six different ways. But I didn't. I made some notes for future blog entries instead.

Last night I went on one of the gay
Great Outdoors weekly hikes in Griffith Park. I've been in years past and want to try making it a regular thing now that Daylight Savings has kicked in again and I'm trying to exercise more. I didn't really seem to click with any of the guys there, however. I don't know why I find it so hard making new friends or why I seem to have the social skills of a high school freshman. I kept trying to be funny and clever, but it never came off. Instead I just ended up sounding like an idiot and an asshole. I've learned from experience that these hikes aren't exactly overflowing with hot young guys, but that's not exactly why I was going. Of course, the two cutest fellows kept talking to each other. One of them seemed like a nice guy, if a bit blustery. The other guy was pretty Baldwin, but he was also as dreary as a rainy Sunday. (Can you say "sour grapes"?)

When we got to the summit of Mt. Hollywood, there was another group there, as well. I was politely talking to a couple of cute blonde girls from this group who accused me of using one of the other hiker’s dogs as a "chick magnet." I didn’t know what to say. Obviously I couldn't going to agree, but it seemed rude to burst out with something like, "Well, you got that wrong, Miss Thang! *snap snap*" Later as we were all hiking down, one of the two women smacked me on the ass. I was kind of taken aback, but not offended. I was little flattered, actually. I was just glad to be getting some kind of action, even if it wasn't the kind I was looking for.

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