Friday, April 08, 2005
Disenchanted Fridays
I used to just adore Fridays. Now I tend to dread them. They used to mean a world of possibilities and fun opening up to me. Friends would call me, and we'd make plans of things to do together. But now they just feel like impending death. Though I'm relieved to be finished with another week of work, I realize that I'm heading into a desolate wasteland of useless time. No one is going to call me, and there's going to be nothing to do except sit at home with my cats. Most of my major relapses have occurred on a Friday. I'd use the drugs and alcohol to fill up the emptiness and to make myself
feel alive.
You can't change your life overnight, so I'm simply trying to have a little faith. Fridays are now one of my "gym nights," and that's something at least. Everything I'm doing, all of the improvements I'm trying to make are aimed at making myself a whole person. One that, perhaps, will once again look forward to weekends with anticipation.
feel alive.
You can't change your life overnight, so I'm simply trying to have a little faith. Fridays are now one of my "gym nights," and that's something at least. Everything I'm doing, all of the improvements I'm trying to make are aimed at making myself a whole person. One that, perhaps, will once again look forward to weekends with anticipation.
